The Exploding Toilet

So, living on the Arctic Star (barge) involves what Nancy and I call 'suction plumbing.' It sounds like an airplane, but much louder. The first time Nancy took a shower and the suction plumbing kicked in, she was so startled and jumped so high that she hit her head. When you hear the sink valve trip, you brace yourself for an almost deafening noise.

A couple of weeks ago, I was eating dinner while Nancy went to take a shower (having previously eaten, of course). With a spoonful of corn halfway to my mouth, Nancy came running in.

"HEIDI!!! COME QUICK!!"

This was all she said before blasting off down the hallway. Turning back she yelled, "Heidi, FASTER!"

Upon arrival in our room, I saw that the toilet was about 0.5 nm away from overflowing.

Heidi: "What did you DO?"
Nancy: "NOTHING! I didn't even pee - it just started doing it."

Quickly turning the water off, we rushed back to the kitchen.

Nancy to room in general: "Who takes care of the toilets around here??"

Keith was the person to look for.

Heidi: "What does Keith look like?"

"Oriental. Or Native."

Heidi: "This is not entirely helpful."

Nancy ran upstairs to find a person yielding a shop vac outside a bathroom and quickly ascertained this was the person we were looking for.

Nancy: "Our toilet's exploding! Are you Keith?"

Keith: [Throws down vac] "ANOTHER ONE?"

Apparently, the lines had been flushed that day and some of the valves had gone. After fiddling with some things for a bit, Keith left and then came back.

"I just checked the system and she's right pinned. This whole line is running at 60 PSI."

Nancy: "60 PSI??? The TOILET is running at 60 PSI?"

Yes. And this is why it exploded.

Last day of fishing today - Nancy is back down south and Chris has been in for a week. Wish us luck catching spawners in a boat that floats.

EPIC....E-PIC

So, September 8, 2011 was epic.

Arrival at site. We go to land beside our aluminum boat and zodiac.

Nancy: "Don't land...DON'T LAND!!!"
Pilot: "What?"
Nancy: "Lots of bears, LOTS of bears."
Pilot: "Where?"
Nancy: "THERE! In our gear!! There are....1...2... THREE bears."

Landing not being an option, we reassessed. Coming back later, doing a big bear sweep, and seeing no bears, we also employed a strategy where the pilot waited for us to launch our boat with all of our gear before taking off. We then moved all of our gear to the side of the lake where the bears don't seem to hang out.

H: "To the ESCAPE POD!! Ha ha!! Look at the escape pancake (zodiac looking flat)! Good thing we don't have to inflate that while the blades are turning!"

So, while our pilot sat on the ground with the blades turning, N and I hucked stuff into the escape pod and got out onto the lake, at which point the helichopper could safely leave. We didn't have time to change into our waders during this panic, and I went over my boots. LOVE going over my boots at 9 am. Safely changed into dry stuff on a bear-free beach, N and I set the nets, and then went to bear-free beach #2 for a snack and warmup walk. During the time, a siksik ate ANOTHER of Heidi's dry bags (it had NO food in it), and Heidi did a siksik dance to ward it off.

After swearing at the nefarious nature of siksiks and their seal-bag eating ways for a good 5 minutes, we discovered that we were freezing and went on a constitutional to check out an abandoned silver mine (which has happily been nicely reclaimed since the last time I saw it).

Toes warmed, we went to check the nets. And, as usual, crap weather means good fishing. Nancy saw her first red charr, and we caught a HUGE lake trout.

H: "HOLY CRAP!! It's a shark! Look at the head on that thing!!"

N: "It's a TUNA! Look, you can see a fish down its throat."

H: "Well, now our boat will REALLY be a bear attractant. Good thing it's aluminum. As far as I know, they can't eat aluminum. But I have been proven wrong by bears in the past. And siksiks. DAMN that siksik!"

The Lake of Futile Death and the Leaky Red Boat Reunite

After our return from Nauyuk, where we caught our limit of fish but hardly any spawning females (DOH!), we headed to Hovaktok (Louie Lake). Experience had taught us that this lake can be very, very tricksy. In fact, it has been named the Lake of Futile Death in previous years. Previous experience has also taught us that there can be a LOT of bears at Hovaktok.

Nancy: “Heidi, I feel that your luck and my luck together are…….catastrophic.”

Heidi: “This indeed appears to be the case. Let’s take stock. We have one barely floating boat (LRB), a few less floats, a plug in cooler that is now a box, and some damaged camping equipment. Our radio doesn’t work from Hovaktok. I feel that we need to plan for ALL contingencies.”

Nancy: “I used to think you were cynical and a bit pessimistic. Now I realize you are just realistic. Let’s take both bear kits and extra noodles.”

This being decided, we slung out camping equipment, food, and fuel in the likely eventuality that the ceiling would come down while we were working one day and we would be unable to get home. We also signed our gun in and out every day, AND we brought all of our nets home every day. This was extremely time consuming, as it involved taking all floats and weights off and bagging the nets BEFORE trying to wrassle them into the helichopper. The strategy apparently worked, as we did not see a single bear during our entire time there!!! The fishing was weird – as opposed to previous years we did not catch big spawning charr, and once again the spawning female lake trout were very elusive – BUT we did not have our equipment ransacked by bears. We also did catch our limit of lake trout, which was great, and we saw a wolf!

The other great thing is that Nancy is turning into a nerd. Quite often, Nancy speaks of ski patrol and rafting. The other day on the bus up from the barge, Nancy hadn’t said anything for about 5 minutes. This was unusual. Then she said, “I can’t believe that female last night was resting!! She even had her red fins on.” Later that day Nancy said, “Phew. This periphyton is slippery.”

Other quotes:

Nancy: “Oh, hello pretty lake trout. Welcome to the LRB. Population: you. Oh look, you are a ripe male.”

Heidi chuckles evilly. Another convert. ☺

The only problem these days is that we are a little short on sleep and have slept in the last two mornings. When this happens, Heidi bolts awake and shouts, “NANCY, IT’S GO TIME!”

Nancy: “WHERE ARE MY PANTS? WHY ARE THEY BACKWARDS?”
Heidi: “GO GO GO GO GO GO – we’re going to miss the shuttle!”
Nancy: “Heidi (upward inflection) – why are we always running when we’re awake?”
Heidi: “We can’t run while sleeping.”
Nancy: “I never drank coffee before I started working for you. Now I rely on it.”
Heidi: “And this is unfortunate, because we are running low on high-test. Too bad we can’t inject this into our veins.”
[Nancy bites into first cinnamon bun of the day]

Today we start our first real day on Roberts Lake. The Lake of Futile Death (now the lake of grudging life once again) is complete for this year. Good news: we can switch to an aluminum boat (maybe). Bad news: there are three bears in the area. Ha!