Random conversations on the tundra

Below is a collection of snippets that left us, at various times, rolling on the hummocks with hysteria/giddy giggles.

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Marilynn (while peeing): “Crap. Helicopter. Go pee, go."[Jumping into waders] “Uh-oh…. wetness. Sweat or pee? Sweat or pee? It would be warm if it was pee, right?”

5 minutes later.

Marilynn: “Gross. I just stepped on a dead bird.”

Heidi: “WHOA. Look at the size of the maggots on that thing! Those are the biggest maggots I’ve ever seen. Do you have any campinos?”

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One day, we found ourselves half-trotting over hummocks from Stickleback outflow to our launch site on the lake. Helichopper ETA was 2 minutes.

Marilynn: “!*@&#, are you serious? Bloody substandard.......”

The bag of water bottles had broken and there were bottles scattered everywhere in willows, hummocks, and scrub birch. An hour later, we were similarly trotting between Fickle Duck outflow and Fickle Duck lake. Heidi looked down at the bag and panted, “Oh boy. Structural integrity compromised.”

Marilynn: “Make sure you’re running on hummocks and not on rocks. That way the bottles won’t break when your bag breaks. You know what’s really easy? Running through a swamp in waders with a 100 lb pelican case.”

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Angela and I stumbled out of our dark cabin at 6:15 am one day with one eye open against the light and thoughts of nothing but the disgusting coffee we were about to wolf down.
Angela: “Heidi, you know what? I’m not getting any LESS tired.”

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Angela, Paul, Claire, and I were all on Patch Lake one day in rather horrific weather. Paul had branched out from cookies to tarts on this particular day and somehow, our lunchtime discussion turned to soda crackers. This was perhaps because I was wolfing down about 5 packages of crackers in an extremely ill-fated attempt to kick the cookie habit. (For the record, it didn’t work and at one point during the day I resorted to a 2-year old granola bar in the bottom of my pack that tasted like rancid peanuts).

Paul: “Have you ever tried putting 4 crackers in your mouth at once and eating them in a single minute without drinking any water? It’s impossible. You THINK it’s going to be easy, just like eating a tart (opens mouth impossibly wide and inserts an ENTIRE butter tart while Angela, Claire, and I look on incredulously), but it’s actually impossible.”

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Marilynn and I arrive at Boston Lake, where Claire and Dan have left a boat for us to use for water sampling.

Heidi: “Hmmm. That’s interesting. I thought they would have left the pump with the boat (kicks half-deflated pontoon). I wonder why they would take the pump back to camp?”

Marilynn: “In other news, it’s hurricaining again. No bugs, though.”

Heidi (zig zagging half an hour later through the chop): “It’s like driving a shovel with a sewing machine. Man, this is easy.”
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Marilynn and Heidi are sampling the ocean at the base of Louie Lake outflow, where the bear they chased earlier is back fishing in the rapids and there are seals congregating around the boat. Also, we may or may not have forgotten the paddles on this fine day, so the boat was a bit crowded with pieces of 1 x 4 (we tested, and we could actually paddle) and a LARGE rock to be used as an emergency anchor, if necessary. Marilynn was passed out on a pontoon.

Heidi: “Mem. how many Benadryl did you have today? Only, you’re missing bear TV and seal TV. It’s pretty cool.”

Marilynn (drowsily groaning): “Three Benadryl.”

Heidi: “Don’t they have non-drowsy stuff?”

Mem: “Yes, but you know I’m a cheap-ass and it was a few dollars more.” [Pondering for a few seconds] “Perhaps if there was a Shoppers Drug Mart on shore I would spend the extra money.”

Heidi: “You are ridiculous, you know. Is that a bear-shaped rock up there or a rock-shaped bear? I’m not wearing my contacts or glasses. Haven’t all summer, in fact.”

Mem: “I’m ridiculous? Rock-shaped bear. How fast do you think bears can swim?”

Heidi: “Don’t know, but if he heads this way, you paddle with the 1 x 4 and I’ll throw the anchor rock at its head.”