Return of the Leaky Red Boat (or is it final death for the leaky red boat?)

So loyal blog readers, you’ve waited a long time for this post. Three years in fact. This year, it’s Nancy and I, and we’re back at Hope Bay. Things are looking a little different around here. There is an airstrip, roads, a giant camp (or is it a rat maze?), and even MORE safety rules. A girl can’t go anywhere without PPE on around here.

Anyway, Nancy and I arrived on Friday, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Even 1.5 days of safety orientations did not dampen our spirits. At one point, Nancy even said, “Wow, this place seems really organized.”

Ah, fools we be.

If you cannot remember the story of the leaky red boat (LRB), please refer to previous blog entries. Suffice to say that LRB has seen its share of service. It may or may not have encountered the following things in its long, long life: a) attack by grizzly; b) slung into broken piece of drill stem; c) picked up with a fork lift and dragged across beach.

Anyhoo, LRB was supposed to be less leaky (we were dubious, but chose to believe). In fact, rumour had it that LRB had been replaced. On Saturday afternoon, after safety orientation 375647c, Pants (i.e., Nance) and I headed down to the location of the boat. Our guide proudly announced in a Newfie accent, “I’s soaped her all down good, and look at this – she’s rock hard!” At this point, Pants and I looked at each other dubiously. Why? Our eyes said to each other, “I hear hissing, do you hear hissing?” Foolishly choosing to ignore this ominous sound, we prepared ourselves for a Sunday am departure.

Sunday am dawns. Pants and Heids head to the helipad and look at the boat. It’s flat as a pancake. No worries. We’ll pump it up.

Ah, fools we be.

The original armada of boats is unfortunately not accompanied by the original armada of pumps. There is ONE pump with ONE correct attachment. Unfortunately, new safety regulations require that said pump stay with the ‘rescue’ boat that lives in a sling ready to rescue people at a moment’s notice. [Sidenote: rescue boat is also currently flat as a pancake].

Pants and I are undeterred, know we will figure something out, and head to the 730 safety meeting.

Direct quote from Nancy after the meeting, “Heidi, I’ve never really understood why people think The Office is funny. I understand now.”

Chair of meeting: “Heidi, do you have any safety concerns for today?”

I really did ponder my next words carefully. I knew what I should say, and then there was what I did say.

“Well. My boat’s flat as a pancake, and it’s going to sink like a rock to the bottom of the lake.”

[Nancy bursts out laughing, only to realize that nobody else is laughing.]

“So. I guess I’ll deal with that.”

Seeing that half of western civilization is up on this patch of tundra this year, we were informed that ‘The Fountain Tire Guy’ would patch our boat. We waited for a day. We visited Roberts Outflow, caught some char, did the same thing again, had a somewhat humorous electrofishing experience. No patched boat. These two prairie girls decided to take matters into their own hands.

“Nance. I’m going to try to get a pump flown in from Golder. Yes, I know I have no way to pay for said pump and we are not working for Golder this year. However, I think this is our best shot.”

Nancy: “Agreed.”

At which point, Nancy, with her considerable experience patching rubber boats, patched the rubber boat. This was not easy. All of the repair kits on site were well past their glue-by date. We used bike tire patches that we brought from Edmonton. After 5 hours of patching, Nancy declared the job a success. With baited breath, we left the boat to cure, and decided to check this morning if it was holding air. In the meantime, and as if by a miracle of god, Mike from the warehouse at Golder got us a pump. We don’t know how. Also, he sent us a candy necklace. We owe Mike many, many cheeseburgers.

Fast forward to this morning.

“Hey Nance, why don’t you go check the boat, and I’ll do up the journey plan and track our still-missing generator, white gas, and blue Rubbermaid.”

Nance: “Cool.”

Heidi was halfway through figuring out where the erstwhile generator may or may NOT be, when Nancy returned.

“Heidi, the boat’s gone.”

“What do you mean, the boat is GONE?”

“The boat’s gone.”

After staring at each other and laughing hysterically (it is Tuesday, and we arrived on Friday and have still not seen the water), we go down to find the dude who might know what’s gone on.

“Oh, sorry there girls….I forgot to tell the tire guy not to pick up the boat.”

The boat had been picked up by the tire guy. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that he removed every last patch from that boat, and that it was unlikely to be in service any time soon. This discovery may or may not have involved us hitchhiking a ride in a cube van and wandering around asking where the tire shop was. A particularly memorable response was,

“What’s a tire?”

So, you may ask, what are we going to do? Well, of course any rescue mission must involve Mike at Golder. Angela (formerly Golder, now our Newmont contact!) moved heaven and earth and other planetary units and arranged for this to be a legal and paid operation, via Claire (who I would imagine is laughing as I type this).

So. We have a pump. Mike, bless him forever, was going to drive our boat to the Edmonton airport tonight or have it picked up at the crack of stupid tomorrow morning. It will arrive by Buffalo on Thursday. We are scheduled to leave with Mark for Nauyuk on FRIDAY.

Quotes from Mike, “Boat…boat….Heidi, not sure if we have one. How soon do you need it? Stupid question. Yesterday, right? Boat….boat…..here’s one! And I just got an email that said I’m authorized to send this. Don’t worry, Heidi, we’ll get there. Sometimes we get to the finish line upside down and on fire, but we’ll get there.”

Know what’s great? We haven’t been able to test the motor.

What could be possibly go wrong?

Nothing, because quite obviously, this is the easiest thing we’ll ever do.

Pants and Heids

PS. Don’t worry, mom – we’ve bribed the cook and I am eating actual food.